They make me think I'm a lousy person because of them, and they are hindering my ability to do school and work I believe. I haven't done any school work this year, and am having trouble applying for a job I had last year and want again. Every time I try to sit down and write my cover letter I feel like writing something along the lines of "Both you and I know that I sucked at my job last year." I don't know why it happens, because I'm sure I actually did really good work last year, and enjoyed my job a lot.
They got much worse last year after I lost friends to murder and suicide, and had a health scare of my own. Before that they weren't holding me back or anything, but now I think they are eating away at my ambition and certain aspects of my self confidence. A lot of my intrusive thoughts revolve around either someone initiating a fist fight with me or vice versa. Often times I'm called racial slurs in my own thoughts. I'm never called slurs in real life, ever. All of my relationships are stable. I don't have any reason to believe anyone is not being genuinely nice to me ever, for instance I don't have any reason to believe what I said in a post like this one: viewtopic.php?p=4885971#p4885971
I'm afraid to tell anyone because I am afraid of the possibility that no one will believe when I say they're internal. I am convinced however that it is purely internal conflict because I'm happy with my life. I should talk to a councilor, but whenever I go to do that I feel completely fine. That's why I'm putting it here, because I want to get it out (an administrator can delete this post if need be).