Talk about stuff that has nothing to do with Ghostbusters!
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By Sav C
#4942924
I'll probably delete this later.

I made it to 150 words on my first essay, but now I'm having trouble focussing, so I'll get this off my chest and then hopefully carry on. A few years ago, as some of the folks on here probably remember, I went through a rough patch. Fortunately I have my health now (largely thanks to the help I got on here), and my most significant issue is my workload this coming week. However, I think what caused my rough patch (I won't go into here) also happened to have a negative impact on my family, and I think we've drifted apart since then. We don't even eat dinner at the table anymore...

My parents have probably been drinking a bit too much since Covid started, one of my parents has started to get angry and yell on a regular basis (probably a few times a week, something which seems to stop when my parents go sober for a while), and we all spend a lot of time on our devices. I admittedly don't do enough around the house, but I do work three days and week, and take classes the other four, so it's not like I sit around on the couch all day. My one parent who gets angry is often perceiving slights from other people (many of which I think are imagined (although I would never point this out)), and occasionally accuses us of stuff. When I went through my rough patch, one of my parents caught on and basically tried to set me on the right track, but their reaction was kinda extreme and unintentionally made things worse, so I basically sucked everything up and pretended to be fine. Sure, everyone in the family pays lip service to therapy and mental health, but when it comes time to put our words into actions, we seem to fail spectacularly. Even my siblings and I (we used to be thick as thieves) spend more time on social media than keeping each other company. We still have our good times, but usually it involves some sort of a celebration or holiday.

Anyway, I lack the courage to say any of this to my family. Also, I'm not sure if the rest of my family feels the same way, but if they do they certainly haven't come out and said it. Even if I tried to be more outgoing, Covid has resulted in a lack of topics to talk about, so it's kind of hard to stimulate our relationships back to where they were. And like I said, I'm too timid to try and stage any direct intervention, so I'm not particularly optimistic about returning to our old normal anytime soon, since I can't think of any viable solutions. Our house is quiet--we need more music, and we need more humor. Anyhow, I'm doing OK, but I'm a bit tired, a bit burnt out, and the distance that's grown between my family isn't doing me any favors. Frankly, just putting this into words and getting it out there is support enough, so thanks for creating this space to vent! Maybe now I'll be able to concentrate in my essay...
By RichardLess
#4942935
Sav C wrote: December 3rd, 2020, 7:01 pm I'll probably delete this later.

I made it to 150 words on my first essay, but now I'm having trouble focussing, so I'll get this off my chest and then hopefully carry on. A few years ago, as some of the folks on here probably remember, I went through a rough patch. Fortunately I have my health now (largely thanks to the help I got on here), and my most significant issue is my workload this coming week. However, I think what caused my rough patch (I won't go into here) also happened to have a negative impact on my family, and I think we've drifted apart since then. We don't even eat dinner at the table anymore...

My parents have probably been drinking a bit too much since Covid started, one of my parents has started to get angry and yell on a regular basis (probably a few times a week, something which seems to stop when my parents go sober for a while), and we all spend a lot of time on our devices. I admittedly don't do enough around the house, but I do work three days and week, and take classes the other four, so it's not like I sit around on the couch all day. My one parent who gets angry is often perceiving slights from other people (many of which I think are imagined (although I would never point this out)), and occasionally accuses us of stuff. When I went through my rough patch, one of my parents caught on and basically tried to set me on the right track, but their reaction was kinda extreme and unintentionally made things worse, so I basically sucked everything up and pretended to be fine. Sure, everyone in the family pays lip service to therapy and mental health, but when it comes time to put our words into actions, we seem to fail spectacularly. Even my siblings and I (we used to be thick as thieves) spend more time on social media than keeping each other company. We still have our good times, but usually it involves some sort of a celebration or holiday.

Anyway, I lack the courage to say any of this to my family. Also, I'm not sure if the rest of my family feels the same way, but if they do they certainly haven't come out and said it. Even if I tried to be more outgoing, Covid has resulted in a lack of topics to talk about, so it's kind of hard to stimulate our relationships back to where they were. And like I said, I'm too timid to try and stage any direct intervention, so I'm not particularly optimistic about returning to our old normal anytime soon, since I can't think of any viable solutions. Our house is quiet--we need more music, and we need more humor. Anyhow, I'm doing OK, but I'm a bit tired, a bit burnt out, and the distance that's grown between my family isn't doing me any favors. Frankly, just putting this into words and getting it out there is support enough, so thanks for creating this space to vent! Maybe now I'll be able to concentrate in my essay...
You say you lack the courage to mention any of this to your family. Is it out of fear of rejection, or not being taken seriously?

One thing I’ve learnt in life is that it’s short & you never know what’s around the corner. Try hard to muster your courage. Regret is an awful thing and if something ever happened you may regret not having told your family how you feel.

Try writing out a script of what you’d want to say to them. Then read it back to yourself, outloud. Let yourself hear the words. Maybe record it & play it back to yourself. You might hear it come out of your mouth and think differently. If talking to them directly isn’t something you can do, write a note. An email. Let it out. Maybe try talking to a sibling, one you are particularly close with.

What are the positives of talking to them about this? What are the negatives? Does one outweigh the other? These are things that can help you reach a decision or become more comfortable with what you want to say. Remember, they are family. I imagine you’ve been through a lot together. You love them, they love you.

You can do this. You can. Don’t doubt yourself. Believe in yourself. Always.

Also, good luck with all the school work.
Sav C liked this
By yourbigpalal83
#4943269
Some updates....

So i've been making efforts to try to improve my mental health and keep my mind occupied but i keep getting anxious and depressed every time i set foot out the door with my mask on.

I figure the holidays are going to be hard not being able to see my friends in person, but its still the safest route until i get a vaccine cause i refuse to put my parents health in jeopardy.

I just keep telling myself, we're more then halfway though this, at the worst, spring will be the latest you get the vaccine and then you can return to atleast hanging out with your friends safely and get outta the house a bit more.

I made a big step today towards that goal! I messaged a local official asking since i do provide care for my elderly parents does that make me eligible to get a vaccine sooner rather then later?

I dont want to jump infront of anyone online, especially a doctor or nurse or someone that works with multiple patents, but the sooner i can get my vaccine, the sooner i can start trying to recover from this nightmare, get out of the house more in a safer manner and start to enjoy life again!

The way i figure it, is if i cant get the virus, i cant spread it, so it doesn't matter if other people get the vaccine or not, thats not my choice or call, everyone has to decide for themself, but atleast i know i can somewhat return to a normal life knowing it wont be me who gets my parents sick and that will relieve alot of anxiety!

If i can just get to a point where i can leave the house safely and clear my head when i feel overwhelmed and not trade one stressful situation for another, ill be in a much better place.

I also returned some items and put money towards the next gen gaming systems so when they are back in stock, i got something to look forward too durring the winter, and once i get them in hand, i can get lost for a bit in gaming to help pass the time!


I just figure its all a waiting game for the moment, but i view this time as the darkest before the dawn and within a few months ill one way or another get the vaccine, be able to return to hanging out among friends, (id still wear a resperator in public for the forseeable future) and be in a much calmer state too where i can focus on improving my physical and mental health as well, learning lessions from this time in isolation, and striving to improve my life for the better moving forward!
Nighty80, Scuba Steve liked this

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